We had a Japanese student staying with us during her Thanksgiving school break. She was endlessly curious, but unsure how we might react to some of her questions. Rather than refrain from asking, she has developed the incredibly effective practice of prefacing her questions with:

"I don't know if I can ask this question."

This line accomplished four things:

• It gave us permission not to answer.
• It expressed her sincere desire to learn.
• It warned us that we may be in for a startling question.
• It made us eager to help her understand and learn.

We can all learn a lesson from Midori. She is not the only one who can benefit from understanding others or a situation better. Too often we shy away from asking important questions. Personally, I would rather others asked my thoughts than have them try to guess. When we guess, we usually guess wrong.

Asking permission shows interest and respect. Don't just "let it drop" next time. Try these variations of Midori's approach to learn what you need to learn:

"It may be none of my business, but I'd really like to know ..."

"Do you mind if I ask you a question?"

If you are told it is none of your business, at least you've learned something!